My sister Felicity and I were driving to my house today and I had to slow down quickly so as not to hit a pedestrian crossing the street. Felicity exclaimed that I would have gotten ten points if I had hit him (all in jest, of course). I facetiously replied that I would have gotten negative points because he was Asian, and therefore probably smarter than us and a great loss to humankind. From that point on, we made up a list of people who would be guaranteed points if you hit them, as well as a list of those who you should never hit. Disclaimer- we do not think you should ever run over people with cars.
If you hit the following with your car, you will get 10 points:
1. People who smoke in public- Hey buddy, I don’t wanna die by second-hand smoke! Take that!
2. People who are texting, talking on the phone, or listening to an iPod with both ears in and don’t even look up when they cross the road – in most countries, that would be called “Stupid”
3. People who wear their pants either so that their underwear is showing or that only go up to their knees- this would seem like a genetic mutation in our fashion genes and we should do our best to rid our generation of such a plague
4. Small, yappy dogs- this qualifies as double points, because you must only run over the irritating dog, not the owner
5. Attitude-y teenagers
People you should not hit with your car:
1. Nuns
2. Pregnant ladies, or women with babies
3. Couples that are still holding hands after 10 years of marriage
4. Nice old people (notice the qualifier- NICE. If they are mean, it’s open season)
5. People who walk their cats on leashes- if you can pull that off, you deserve to live
6. Asians- on the off chance that the racial stereotype is true and they are, in fact, smarter than the rest of us
